he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
