i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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