Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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