So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
did i walk over a car last night?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
