I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
