Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
