when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
