I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
