we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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