Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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