Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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