i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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