it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
