Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
