i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
