I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
