I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize