So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
