1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
