i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
