I'm drive I can fine osifer
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
