u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
