sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
