I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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