btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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