my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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