I've blown a few things in my day
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Text me some of your sweat
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
