So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
