i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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