I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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