I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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