I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
