Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
