My first STD was from a foam party
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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