found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
