there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
