like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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