it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
