booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
