He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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