Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
