haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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