is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
