i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
