apparently the secret to your success is patron
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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