he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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