Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
