Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
