my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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