Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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