While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
