I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
