my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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