I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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