There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
