ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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