I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
