So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
