in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
