yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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